Time Machine

I don't know how I went from watching Laguna Beach to checking my Tumblr archive this evening. Random, yet gave me something to post on this semi-dead blog. Let me share with you some of the things that  coursed through my mind around two and a half years ago.

On Inner Rants

("Blah Blah Once Again" 18 Aug 09)

I thank God for A LOT of things. I also ask for too much. I keep whining about life in silence, it’s almost deafening. I always talk to myself. I need to lock my noisy conscience and unscrew my lips. I wish to express myself more. I can but I just don’t. A lot of things are running through my mind right now. I hate it ‘cause it’s gone when I need it most. I want to have a best friend. I’m bad in handling money. I spend too much on unnecessary things. My wants triumph over my needs. My mind went suddenly blank.

On Self-Perception

("give me an e" 19 Nov 09)

1. If God ever decides to make me physically challenged one day, I’d probably be mute. I think I’ve had good practice with keeping my lips mum throughout my existing stint on this planet. Of all things, I suck at expressing myself verbally. Really. I also have this lame and foolish deed of not answering back when someone asks me a question. Typical scenario: They would stand there waiting for me to reply and I would not flinch, not budge, not even attempt to look at them, but during the whole time lapsed, my mind was answering back. Weird, I know, and I hate myself for that. 
I thank God for the written word. I now ask for telepathy. 

2. My father’s blood dominates my veins, my siblings’ as well. I HATE the Souza’s pride, stubbornness and insensitivity, all of which I’ve inherited, add to that my selfishness. At times, the demons overpower me and those traits excrete evil juices throughout my system, which makes me real demonic, you wouldn’t wanna come near me. I hate myself when that happens. 
I constantly wish I had more of my mom’s personality.

On Needs

("DREAM ON" 08 Dec 09) 

My TO-HIRE list once I become filthy rich. (You’ll never know)

1. Nutritionist. I need someone to plan and control my diet, geek-style.
2. Personal Chef. He’ll do all the healthy cooking. I’ll do all the necessary eating.
3. Personal Trainer. The last time I worked my ass off exercising (with visible results) was Summer ‘06. Since I’m overweight and indolent, I need someone to encourage me to shed off the lbs, Biggest Loser-style.
4. Stylist. I’ve no keen sense of fashion. She would be the BIGGEST help.